WHO I AM

I AM A PERSON THAT TAKES TIME INTO RECEIVING THINGS AND PEOPLE. I REALISE THAT TO ACCEPT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS JUST ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. I PRAY EACH DAY FOR THE SOULS THAT HAVE NOWHERE TO TURN. I LOOK TO SUCH PEOPLE AND THINGS TO KEEP ME GOING...

just...

i could not believe my eyes and ears when they said hello. i could not take in their welcoming hugs. i looked as though i had seen a ghost as they asked me about my day, life, me as a person and everything else i between. i had to process their absence as though someone had died. could it be that i had disregarded them with so much ease, that their scent was so unreal as they surrounded.
silence.
voices.
whispering.
talking.
shouting.
screaming.
silence... silence... silence... as i try to remind myself that, that was how i have been living without them.

dad... daddy... father... baba... papa... old timer...

I have never gone through a phase where everything seems like a blur at the moment. Contrary to popular belief, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but with me the apple seemed to stay on the tree. I love my family but somehow I only love my dad via default... Like I am supposed to... With the apple story I do not want to believe I am in fact my father's daughter. I have tried by all means to understand him and understand his connection to me but, never have I felt so distant from the one person who is the male version of me in about 30years.
When you have tried and actually did your best, you move on. I have moved on from trying to make him see what is right before his eyes and sad to say that, I need him more than anything. I need him to assure me that he loves me. I need him to visit me and have unnerving but amazing conversations. I need him to let me know about the birds and the bees. I need him to acknowledge that I am almost the woman he has always wanted me to grow into... with more flaws than one. I need my dad, the one that took me to the theme park and watched me like a halk, so that I don't get lost. I need my dad. I need my father. I need the one man who will always have my best interests at heart.
#what it takes to fix a broken relationship, is more than just an apology...

Discovering colour

In reality people regard black and white as colours, of which is not true. Black and White are neutrals and real colour is the three primary colours, red, blue and yellow which make up the rest of the other colours we have come to know. Today I decided to ditch the scene and see what it was like to take a picture with using only black and white as my medium, just like back in the day....

my roommate, Beatrice

me, of course

iT's LiKe tHaT aNd ThAt'S hOw I LiKe It...

Yesterday while I was listening to our national radio station, there were girls being interviewed regarding Women's Month. (09 August is Women's Day in South Africa). they shared their views about religion, culture, education, finance and other aspects that the youth of today deal with. One of them said something so moving and I am sure may have seen or heard it somewhere, but I shall share it anyway... "Aspire to Inspire before you Expire". with that said I am greatful for having been given the opportunity to grow in an enviroment that assures me that I shall inspire others to only expire at the right time... # you are relevant for as long as you wish and I wish for a long time...

WHAT I LIKE, LOVE AND LIVE...

ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE NECKLACE...
because I'm short I love short dresses that illongate my legs and I can deceive many by looking taller. I also love pairing them with boots, because it looks beautiful...

good buys...
what I would normally wear # always search for comfort...
turned on by the shorts...
because I love dearly....
#sharing is caring...

My ThOuGhTs

I remember back when i was tghe shy and quiet girl who needed to be swqayed into being the life of the party. I look at my friends and feel they have created a monstoer within me. It's surprising how they had the power to bring out the best in me or rateher the worst. I could never disregard them but I feel I need the old me back, because crazy is still beyond my reach... though they may disagree I am indeed the party pooper than anything else. I am pledging for some sort of ritual to bring me back to life and stay away from the weird...

shoes....

if i had the shoes to show for how much i love, then we all would understand when i say the following are to die for....
 black with gold chain detail....
silver with red sole and chunks of metal on the top...
there are no words for this stunning shoe worn by nicki minaj and beyonce recently to social events...
i got my first pair when i was about seven and since then i believe that one cannot live without these staple shoes... # i simply love chuck taylors, i actually wear them daily...
the store window still has my face stamped on it because the way i was staring was beyond measure and when my mom noticed, she had to get them for me... i love adidas for days and i am waiting in anticipation for the next release...

MY LOVE FOR SHOES WILL NEVER END...

ARE THOSE YOURS?

I DID NOT LAUGH NOR ANSWER, I JUST WENT MUTE BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON SHE ASKED HER IF THEY WERE HERS. THOUGHT MAYBE SHE ASKED BECAUSE SHE WAS CURIOUS, BUT THERE IS NOTHING BEYOND HER LEVEL OF CURIOUSITY AND SHE ASKED BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO SEE IF THEY WOULD FIT.
SO I GAVE THEM AWAY AND FOR A SECOND I WAS FEELING LOST WITHOUT THEM AND AFTER I WAS CONSUMED WITH THOUGHTS AS TO HOW SHE WOULD TAKE CARE OF THEM. WHEN THEY WERE IN MY CARE THEY WERE HANDLED AS THOUGH THEY WERE FROM MY VERY OWN WOMB, IF SHE TREATED THEM INDIFFERENTLY IT WOULD REALLY HURT ME.
SHOULD IT THOUGH? SHOULD I CARE BECAUSE ACCORDING TO LEGEND, YOU GIVE AWAY FOREVER AND RETURN IS LIKE TAKING THAT WHICH BELONGED TO YOU FROM THE VERY PERSON YOU ENTITLED THE RIGHT TO POSSESSION FROM THE DAY YOU GAVE THEM AWAY. THEY WERE NOT MINE SO WHY DID I LONG FOR THEM? PITY I CANNOT WISH THEM BACK OR BUY A NEW SET EXACTLY LIKE THEM, THEY ARE GONE...
I TURNED TO THE NEXT STORE AND THERE THEY WERE BUT NO, REPLACING THEM WOULD BE LIKE I AM ERASING THEM FROM MY MIND, THEN AGAIN I SHOULD CONSIDER WHAT THEY WANT AND GET A NEW PAIR OR CALL HER TO BRING THEM BACK... NOT LIKE I NEED THEM BUT LIKE I NEED THEIR PRESENCE IN MY LIFE...
#TO ALL MY FRIENDS I HAVE TURNED AWAY AND THOSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN, REGGIE IS COMING FOR YOU...