CRUNCH TIME

I have this thing I call, "STUDY" but because of life as a whole, I am not ready to do so. Studying is for the main purpose of passing your subjects, in order to move on to the next year. Right now I am at a point where the 14th of November feels like is coming too fast and I have not even wrapped my head around conjunctions, Apartheid, capturing photographs, elemente van 'n koerant, communication and well what I mean is that I have not started to study. As much as I should, life has a way of deciding for me and that I have to change. Changing would mean cutting off my phone and concentrate on what is more important. Since my birthday has passed, there really is nothing else I should forward to either than completing tthis year with adeqquate marks...
#GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS TO EVERYONE WHO IS WRITING...

WHO I AM

I AM A PERSON THAT TAKES TIME INTO RECEIVING THINGS AND PEOPLE. I REALISE THAT TO ACCEPT SOMEONE OR SOMETHING IS JUST ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. I PRAY EACH DAY FOR THE SOULS THAT HAVE NOWHERE TO TURN. I LOOK TO SUCH PEOPLE AND THINGS TO KEEP ME GOING...

just...

i could not believe my eyes and ears when they said hello. i could not take in their welcoming hugs. i looked as though i had seen a ghost as they asked me about my day, life, me as a person and everything else i between. i had to process their absence as though someone had died. could it be that i had disregarded them with so much ease, that their scent was so unreal as they surrounded.
silence.
voices.
whispering.
talking.
shouting.
screaming.
silence... silence... silence... as i try to remind myself that, that was how i have been living without them.

dad... daddy... father... baba... papa... old timer...

I have never gone through a phase where everything seems like a blur at the moment. Contrary to popular belief, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but with me the apple seemed to stay on the tree. I love my family but somehow I only love my dad via default... Like I am supposed to... With the apple story I do not want to believe I am in fact my father's daughter. I have tried by all means to understand him and understand his connection to me but, never have I felt so distant from the one person who is the male version of me in about 30years.
When you have tried and actually did your best, you move on. I have moved on from trying to make him see what is right before his eyes and sad to say that, I need him more than anything. I need him to assure me that he loves me. I need him to visit me and have unnerving but amazing conversations. I need him to let me know about the birds and the bees. I need him to acknowledge that I am almost the woman he has always wanted me to grow into... with more flaws than one. I need my dad, the one that took me to the theme park and watched me like a halk, so that I don't get lost. I need my dad. I need my father. I need the one man who will always have my best interests at heart.
#what it takes to fix a broken relationship, is more than just an apology...

Discovering colour

In reality people regard black and white as colours, of which is not true. Black and White are neutrals and real colour is the three primary colours, red, blue and yellow which make up the rest of the other colours we have come to know. Today I decided to ditch the scene and see what it was like to take a picture with using only black and white as my medium, just like back in the day....

my roommate, Beatrice

me, of course

iT's LiKe tHaT aNd ThAt'S hOw I LiKe It...

Yesterday while I was listening to our national radio station, there were girls being interviewed regarding Women's Month. (09 August is Women's Day in South Africa). they shared their views about religion, culture, education, finance and other aspects that the youth of today deal with. One of them said something so moving and I am sure may have seen or heard it somewhere, but I shall share it anyway... "Aspire to Inspire before you Expire". with that said I am greatful for having been given the opportunity to grow in an enviroment that assures me that I shall inspire others to only expire at the right time... # you are relevant for as long as you wish and I wish for a long time...

WHAT I LIKE, LOVE AND LIVE...

ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE NECKLACE...
because I'm short I love short dresses that illongate my legs and I can deceive many by looking taller. I also love pairing them with boots, because it looks beautiful...

good buys...
what I would normally wear # always search for comfort...
turned on by the shorts...
because I love dearly....
#sharing is caring...

My ThOuGhTs

I remember back when i was tghe shy and quiet girl who needed to be swqayed into being the life of the party. I look at my friends and feel they have created a monstoer within me. It's surprising how they had the power to bring out the best in me or rateher the worst. I could never disregard them but I feel I need the old me back, because crazy is still beyond my reach... though they may disagree I am indeed the party pooper than anything else. I am pledging for some sort of ritual to bring me back to life and stay away from the weird...

shoes....

if i had the shoes to show for how much i love, then we all would understand when i say the following are to die for....
 black with gold chain detail....
silver with red sole and chunks of metal on the top...
there are no words for this stunning shoe worn by nicki minaj and beyonce recently to social events...
i got my first pair when i was about seven and since then i believe that one cannot live without these staple shoes... # i simply love chuck taylors, i actually wear them daily...
the store window still has my face stamped on it because the way i was staring was beyond measure and when my mom noticed, she had to get them for me... i love adidas for days and i am waiting in anticipation for the next release...

MY LOVE FOR SHOES WILL NEVER END...

ARE THOSE YOURS?

I DID NOT LAUGH NOR ANSWER, I JUST WENT MUTE BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON SHE ASKED HER IF THEY WERE HERS. THOUGHT MAYBE SHE ASKED BECAUSE SHE WAS CURIOUS, BUT THERE IS NOTHING BEYOND HER LEVEL OF CURIOUSITY AND SHE ASKED BECAUSE SHE WANTED TO SEE IF THEY WOULD FIT.
SO I GAVE THEM AWAY AND FOR A SECOND I WAS FEELING LOST WITHOUT THEM AND AFTER I WAS CONSUMED WITH THOUGHTS AS TO HOW SHE WOULD TAKE CARE OF THEM. WHEN THEY WERE IN MY CARE THEY WERE HANDLED AS THOUGH THEY WERE FROM MY VERY OWN WOMB, IF SHE TREATED THEM INDIFFERENTLY IT WOULD REALLY HURT ME.
SHOULD IT THOUGH? SHOULD I CARE BECAUSE ACCORDING TO LEGEND, YOU GIVE AWAY FOREVER AND RETURN IS LIKE TAKING THAT WHICH BELONGED TO YOU FROM THE VERY PERSON YOU ENTITLED THE RIGHT TO POSSESSION FROM THE DAY YOU GAVE THEM AWAY. THEY WERE NOT MINE SO WHY DID I LONG FOR THEM? PITY I CANNOT WISH THEM BACK OR BUY A NEW SET EXACTLY LIKE THEM, THEY ARE GONE...
I TURNED TO THE NEXT STORE AND THERE THEY WERE BUT NO, REPLACING THEM WOULD BE LIKE I AM ERASING THEM FROM MY MIND, THEN AGAIN I SHOULD CONSIDER WHAT THEY WANT AND GET A NEW PAIR OR CALL HER TO BRING THEM BACK... NOT LIKE I NEED THEM BUT LIKE I NEED THEIR PRESENCE IN MY LIFE...
#TO ALL MY FRIENDS I HAVE TURNED AWAY AND THOSE I HAVE FORGOTTEN, REGGIE IS COMING FOR YOU...

AlMoSt PeRfEcT

I got to the point I believed that in almost everything I have become, I am destined to fail. I cried until my eyes and face were numb that I could hear and see myself crying, but not feel a thing at all. I have wasted a day in such a regime that I do not even recall it being productive, unless you want to call 'crying' a much noted activity.
The reason I was crying was that in all my life, I have never felt so sad that I just broke down. Everybody was moving along and i was stuck standing between the tears and friends who always remind me of how much they care. I seemed to forget about everyone for what seemed like hours and it was only a couple of seconds that I completely zoned out and thought of failure, losing the most important person in your, realising that it can all come to an end, how I have changed and how everything can be so clear yet you are blind to it.
I have come to understand that I was probably thinking too much of how it can all go bad, when in the light of a new day, it can be great. I smile at the thought of creating a new person, not different but more open to possibility, love, peace, forgiveness yet not forgetting, accepting death, stop with the mood swings already, taking risks once in a while and embrace being human.
#justBEstrong...xoxo

Media Law

On a really serious tip, I have no words at all today. The words may seem to be flowing in this blog but today I am totally blank. It's probably because I have a million jobs to do and all is totally lost when it comes to me relying on faith to keep me sane. I am so terrified, I actually see myself breaking down or should ask somebody to dig me a whole and bury me alive and should I die, it will be okay because well I would be at ease and relaxation with the Lord, my God. # please wish me luck for a test I am writing today...

TOSS THE FEAR

contrary to popular belief, i am actually a quiet person. i don't speak because i am certain my mouth is of the devil himself. i attract people all the while and somehow i feel this is just not the way it is supposed to be. i have gone though life with a million of things within my reach and it is today and now that i feel so empty. i have tried to get the source out of my mind and life yet the pain of being in love silently, should send me to my very own grave. tears have been washed away from all the pain that i survived years ago and just when i need to show the emotion of confusion and sorrow, i cannot. i have no tears at all. i feel like cameron diaz in some movie where she had never cried since a long time ago and just as she realises that she is in love with jude law, the tears show the joy in her heart... what if i am going through the same thing and God forbid me to be a lost soul carrying the burden of a fearing heart. both in love and of course God. i am certain that once again i need and ask for prayer and that in all that i should do, from this day should fulfill my very heart and love like never before and always keep faith in GOD...

TO UNDERSTAND

EVER HAD THE AMAZING FEELING OF TRIUMPH IN THE MOMENT OF PAIN. I CALLED TO THE MOUNTAINS, AS LOUD AS I COULD AND THERE WAS NOBODY TO HEAR MY CRIES. I CALLED OUT TO THE MAN ON THE STREET AND HE JUST GAVE ME THE LOOK OF NOBODY CAN OR SHOULD HELP YOU. I CALLED TO THE PERSON INSIDE OF ME AND I WAS SILENT TO HER.
IT WAS PAIN AND JOY. IT LOSS AND GAIN. IT WAS TEARS AND LAUGHTER. IT WAS ME AND THEM. IT WAS CONFUSION AND UNDERSTANDING. IT WAS MORE THAN JUST HIS FACE AND HATRED FOR THE PERSON HE MADE ME BECOME.
WE WENT OUT DAILY TO ROB, KILL AND EVEN WORSE COVET THE SOULS OF THE INNOCENT. WE WERE AGAINST THE WORLD AND OUR DEPRESSING LIVES. WE THOUGHT FOR THE RIGHT WAY TO DO THINGS AND EVERY TIME WE WENT FOR OUR WAY. I STILL REMEMBER US RUNNING FOR ALMOST HALF A DAY FOR OUR LIVES, AFTER WE HAD TAKEN HIS MOST PRECIOUS OF ITEMS.
I ALWAYS PRAYED FOR THE DAY WE WOULD TURN INTO BETTER PEOPLE AND PAY OUR DUES BY PRAYING... GETTING A JOB OR MAYBE EVEN GOING TO THE SHELTER. GOD FORBID TO EVER CONFORM US AND WE JUST WENT ON. I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO A BOY WHO HAD BECOME MY FIRST AND ONLY TRUE FRIEND WHY, BUT WHAT HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WAS THAT IF IT HAD WORKED OUT ANY OTHER WAY HE WOULD BE AMONGST THE DEAD, ALONG WITH US.
SHE LEFT WHEN HE DIED AND NOBODY KNEW US FOR THEY DID NOT UNDERSTAND OUR ORIGIN BUT THEN WHO CARES... WE UNDERSTAND THE STATE OF OUR LIFE AND WE UNDERSTAND THAT GOOD COMES TO THOSE WHO WAIT BUT NOT WHILST SITTING AROUND.
#HUSTLE YES... BUT THE LAW IS WHAT WE SHOULD OF UNDERSTOOD AS WE BEGAN OUR LIFE OF TRYING TO SURVIVE BY ANY MEANS POSSIBLE...

my friends and i

Give Praise to The Saviour

Ever had a feeling like the one I had been experiencing not so long ago and have someone just pull you out of your misery and make you feel better? Yes... I am talking about God and of course a friend indeed. I was going on about how almost every aspect in my life doesn't make sense anymore and the people in  my life don't mean as much to me as they did before. I kept on with the soul searching and of course moody attitude, that could take on a storm for days. I took time to note the questions and the people asking them and how my normal self would react to such, then again I politely answered yes or no and pokay for most of them. It kept me going and then I just burst and well now I am glad to say I have not let whatever I was feeling take over me as a whole... So I prayed until it hurt and cried until I felt a bit dehydrated and then I became whole, like really empty of all the bad things and faced life as of this morning...
Behold the 5 Steps to a Better You by REAGILE KGOKONG a..k.a. LOSERVILLE:
1. Ask yourself what is wrong
2. Bring yourself to understanding and acknowedging why you feel that way
3. I know chocolate is bad but just one piece wouldn't hurt and tune into a really cool chick flick
4. Now that you have gone through feeling rather sorry for yourself (no offence), sit down and figure out a way to sort out your problem
5. Just like the movie... Pray, Eat and Love!
#Those heels are still calling out your name... So go ahead and make yourself look the way you feel and that is BEAUTIFUL...

SAVE ME PLEASE...

HAVE YOU THOUGHT A PERSON IN YOUR LIFE, A BURDEN. LIKE YOU HAVE NO THOUGHT OF THEM UNLESS WHEN THEY ARE WITH YOU, YOU WANT THEM TO JUST STOP TALKING AND VANISH INTO THIN AIR. I AM NOT SAYING I WISH THEM DEAD BUT FOR NOW I WANT THEM TO GO AWAY AND COME BACK ON A DAY I SHOULD NEED THEM. THIS WEEK WAS SUPPOSED TO START OFF WELL AND END JUST AS WELL, BUT IT SEEMS AS IF THE GOD'S ARE WORKING AGAINST ME TO HAVE EVERYONE AROUND HATE ME AND WALK AWAY... INSTEAD OF HAVING ME TO CHASE THEM AWAY. I NEED SOME OF SORT OF PRAYER OR DIG A WHOLE AND STAY THERE FOR THE REMAINDER OF WHAT SHOULD BE FOREVER. # I NEED SOMETHING OR SOMEONE TO SAVE ME...

Should it fit...

Amazingly I have a group of friends who think of me as part of their lives. I have seen myself pulled into their pictures, I know about their love lives, I know the most irritating facts they do not wish to let the world know about and well that they are my friends as of late. I remember coming to school with only one aspiration and that was to get out of here as by the time allocated to me. Now that they have chosen to teach me a few other things either than being myself, my aspiration has not changed but includes them as well and I pray constantly everyday that they finish along with me. Should it be that I have no clothes on my back, I know they have got me, all the time...

MY 'SPEAR'

WE HAVING QUITE A FIESTA IN OUR COUNTRY OVER BRETT MURRAY'S PICTURE, 'THE SPEAR'. THE PAINTING HAS SPARKED MUCH CONTROVERSY AS IT DEPICTS PRESIDENT JACOB ZUMA, SHOWING OFF HIS PRIVATE PARTS. TO BE HONEST I FIND THE PICTURE A TRUE PORTRAYAL OF OUR PRESIDENT, REASON BEING HE HAS HAD A RAPE CASE AND ALSO PRACTISES POLYGAMY WITH MUCH NOTED PRIDE.
NOW THERE HAVE TWO PEOPLE WHO TOOK AMPLE TIME DEFACING THE PAINTING, IN THE GOODMAN GALLERY LAST WEEK. PEOPLE HAVE TAKEN THIS AS AN ACT OF PROTECTING THE PRESIDENT'S IMAGE AND ALSO PULLING THE RACE AND CULTURE CARD, THE REASON FOR SUCH ACTIONS.
FIRSTLY THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EITHER RACE OR CULTURE BECAUSE A WORK OF ART IS TO BE APPRECIATED IN THE SENSE IT IS THE ARTIST EXERCISING HIS HUMAN RIGHTS. YES, RESPECT YOUR ELDERS AND FELLOW CITIZENS TOO, THEN AGAIN IT IS A PICTURE AND IT SHOULD REMAIN AS SUCH DEPICTING THE PRESIDENT'S (THOUGHT OF) PRIVATE PARTS.
I SAY PLEASE JUST PUT THIS STORY TO REST AND MOVE BECAUSE WE HAVE MUCH BETTER THINGS TO FOCUS ON SUCH AS THE EDUCATION STUDENTS DEMANDING FREE EDUCATION AND ALSO THE FOOTBALL MATCH BETWEEN THE JOURNALISM AND EDUCATION STUDENTS...
#by REAGILE KGOKONG.

language politics

ever been in a conversation where the people around seem to be speaking in tongues and you wish you could have known what they were saying, because not only are you interested, you want to be certain whatever they are saying about YOU is nice things and nice things alone. that is why ia have taken upon Venda and Spanish and a little Sign Language from the net and friends alike. to be honest the experience has been quite overwhelming yet amazing too. i have been blessed with the opportunity and curiousity of a budding youngster andd that is truly beautiful... now i am about to write down a sentence each from the languages i am learning at the moment and those of you who want to see a bit of sign language i shall upload a video or you can go on the sign language website to teach yourself...
micasa comprende - do you understand me in Spanish...
ndo muhumbula ngamanda - i miss you a lot
# the nice thing is that with love and song it gets easier and you learn quick...
*wink*

i'm not happy, i am working on my smile

walking along the corridors in hopes of trying to avoid the next person and by the purity of being unlucky, i am greeted by the unnerving look on his face. i say hello and to avoid conversation i lose eye contact completely and yet he still wants to know about the glow. i am not glowing i am smiling to remind myself that i could never have enough money to do plastic surgery to restore it. i am not happy either iam beside myself with the money things that i have going on but then again just to seem the guid to joy i smile, i cry and i dance to be at ease and remind myself that pain does not last... # this too shall pass...

creating you

God took his time making you and moulding you into the perfect being for your parents. With you he gave them love, life and more reason to wake up in the morning. Some grew up to be disappointments or even successes but all the while you remain your parents' child. It is now time to create you. You are with purpose and to fulfill that very purpose you have to create yourself into not the ideal person but in fact the ideal person for you. You know what you are capable of and feel that just sitting around and pleasing others is not the way to go... Get up and start creating. Create space in that clustered cupboard of yours. Create ways to get out of bed and please go to work so you can feed and take care of yourself. Create a fanbase like get some friends, those people create the best days, lunches (or in my case parties), trash bins for your heavy heart and love in your life whereas you grew up not knowing what the very word means. Create a shopping list, winter fashion is just pleasing for the eyes, mind, body and spirit. Create a world for you and you alone where you can just offload or enjoy yourself. But the most important is creating time for the very person who made it possible for you to even think of creating and that is GOD... # LOVE HIM! LOVE YOU! LOVE FAMILY AND FRIENDS! LOVE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU! LOVE LIFE! AND LOVE THE WORLD!

a kiss goodbye (hello in reverse)

i called myself an emotiona retard because well in the sense of the word emotions... i simply cannot deal. there is so much to do in so little time. i remember the days when you could capture so much life in a picture and now it's like you can literally write a book with a picture. i am saying goodbye to the bad ones and hello to the almost perfect ones, who really take time to fit me into their autobiographies... #love yourself as god loves you and you will see the beauty of life, love and in his name please, do laugh...

crucify the candles

the memory of his death still lingers as to how i should his last moments with him. when we met i had a love for candles that couold never be overridden by anyone or anything else... with that in mind, he bought me a candle to celebrate our friendship and ever since thursday's have been my very source of reminding me of his presence and effect on my life. i go around trying to convince myself myself that i am probably much better off without him, but the social networing regime has never been the same. i thought conversations never had value until he spoke, i thought anger when he did everything in his ability to install happiness in and i thought pain with his death and somehow i am thinking joy at the fact that though little the time i had with him, i am lucky to have known of him... #the candles are going with the thought that it is time to let go, not so much an easy thing but a good thing because he would have wanted me to be happy and remember him in vain...

TODAY

I WALK AROUND PUTTING ON A WELCOMING FACE TO AVOID THE MUCH DREADED QUESTION, "WHAT'S WRONG?" NOTHING COULD BE WRONG REALLY IN FACT I AM JUST ALRIGHT. I GUESS DEATH DOES NOT AFFECT AS MUCH OR RATHER IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME AT ALL. I FEEL SAD WHEN A NEW LIFE BEGINS AND HAPPY WHEN ANOTHER DIES. YES, THIS DOES SEEM FREAKY TO MOST THEN AGAIN THERE IS NOT OTHER WAY TO SAY IT, EITHER THAN JUST AS MUCH AS GOD CAN GIVE YOU THE GIFT OF LIFT, HE HAS THE POWER TO TAKE IT AWAY. BY THE WAY... ALL THAT I JUST WROTE IS SARCASM... # I DESPISE DEATH WITH EVERY PART OF MY BEING *cRyInG* "HAMBA NHLIZIYO YAKHE YAYA EZULWINI"

missing him and surprising her

come to think of it, within a few days it will be a year since he left and today also marks my mother's birthday. coming together in being apart is in fact the worst feeling but then again it is time to move on or maybe try something to help me get through the pain. i remember days when she would let me go over to visit him and she knew of our distant friendship. she was not happy when i told her about him leaving in such a tragic manner but she was glad he went off to a better place. glad indee for though there is sadness lurking, this day is for her to enjoy and i'll be there to give her just that and for him pray that with his guidance i will be stundee! # happy thursday , happy birthday to my mom and happy days for those who miss you...

PEOPLE IN LOVE

people who love people and who are loved in return, are the luckiest people in the world. i forgot how she looked the day she was crying but her face lingers in my memory like a tattoo on my brain. i cannot remember why but her words still pierce my very heart. i do not know when but she will return. i do not recall but it was her that went down on her knees and begged me not to forget. i cannot remember but what i can tell you is that i should never find anyone like her... # i love her...

revival of reggie-loserville

i have always chosen to see the best in people and somehow i think that is not working for me. i have come into what they call a moment of failing to remind myself of the kind of people i left back home. stupidity, in my case should have pills because really i need help in order to be cured for being such an idiot. i am more than fustrated, i am beyond furious. i shelved my anger some time ago so that people could get to know the real me without having to lash out at them for no apparent reason and somehow i am sensing that i am going to take it out. like on a serious note i may have never killed a man but i will sure as hell drive his soul to death...# i am going to pray for myself that i do not spare his life...

friendship and love for nature

smile! you on candid camera

GOING HOME

LOLEST TO THE FULLEST DEGREE. AMAZING HOW THE THOUGHT OF HOME IS SO DAUNTING YET WHEN YOU THINK OF HOW LONG YOU HAVE BEEN AWAY, CRYING IS SO BEYOND YOU BECAUSE WELL YOU ARE FILLED WITH EXCITEMENT. I HAVE MISSED SO MANY THINGS ABOUT HOME AND THE PEOPLE THERE AS WELL. MANY SAY HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS BUT REALLY NOW MY HEART HAS ALWAYS BEEN HOME AND NOW THAT IT'S FRIDAY, BY THE GRACE OF GOD IMMA MAKING MY WAY HOME... HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY...

EMBRACE THE LOSER IN YOU

SCHOOL IS AMAZING. NOTE THAT THIS IS NOT TO SAY WE ARE HAVING FUN ALL THE WAY, BUT THE RATHER AWKWARD MOMENTS MAKE SCHOOL AMAZING. THE TESTS, ASSIGNMENTS, BOOK REVIEWS AND MORE, KEEP US GOING AND THE LITTLE IN BETWEENS THAT HAVE YOU THINKING, LIFE WOULD NOT BE AS COMPLETE WITHOUT CERTAIN PEOPLE. # EMBRACE EVERY LOSER MOMENT AND MAKE THE BEST OF TERTIARY BECAUSE AFTER YOU SPEND 60SECONDS UPSET, WITHOUT REALISING THAT, THAT IS ONE MINUTE OF HAPPINESS WASTED...

THE 'ONES'

amazing how the popular crew is always identified as the ones who are likely to get in above the rest. stupid it is to think that with the little that they know, they are said to be rather intelligent. i feel bad for them because at the end of the day they seek for the ones that they belittle to actually help them out. you help and you your help is shrugged as though you add no value to their life or even anyone else for that matter. i say they can go wherever it is people go to unwind and only then will realise that life is not about how well you can dress to impress or even down a drink of tequilla. life is more than that, it is something that many others pray for when it seems they are destined to leave the world. embrace the moment and stop trying to fit in, when you were actually born to stand out.